The Power of relationship

How relationships can unlock our conscious self

Falling in love and committing to a relationship with someone is one of the key milestones of a human life. Whilst we always have a choice in this matter there is no denying that the societal and familial emphasis on the importance of a primary love relationship is hugely influential on the human psyche. Love, marriage, family. For many of us it is a rite of passage. Something that we desire innately. And yet, do we really stop to think about it? Do we have any understanding of how much our unconscious influences our choice of partner.

Why is a partnership so important to human beings? On a human level, no doubt, it is an indication of status, of being desirable. Of being chosen. The comfort of going through life with someone by our side. A teammate and partner in all things, and a co-parent to any children.

In the neo-spiritual community the concepts of divine union, twin flames and soul contracts are ever enticing. The idea that our perfect match exists and will make us a better person.

Add to that the constructs that exist around gender-specific identity and norms and you have a complex web of ideas and beliefs around what it means to be in a loving relationship. This idea that we each have ‘another half’ is perpetuated throughout western society.

But what if this is actually detrimental to our individual capacity and potential. Many of us are waking up to the idea that perhaps love and marriage isn’t what we were told it should be.

That’s not to say that the ‘happy ending’ doesn’t exist. But is it really all down to love, romance and luck? No – it’s down to commitment, compassion, understanding and a desire to take full accountability for ourselves.

When a relationship begins, there is an unconscious exchange. What we may experience as a lightning bolt, or butterflies in the stomach, is a bodily recognition of something deeply familiar. We see in the other person something that we might not see in ourselves. Something that we may have been longing for. The dynamics of the relationship mirror what we believe a relationship should be – usually in line with what we saw modelled by our own parents.

And, in this way, a love relationship is the crucible of personal growth. For, over time, we will be given the opportunity, through that relationship, to own those aspects of ourselves that we may project onto the other. To go deeper into the understanding of our conditioning and relational patterns.

When, as a relationship progresses, difficulties begin to arise, this is when the real work of love and commitment begins. As we mature and grow, we begin to realise that the other person (and indeed the relationship) is not the magic pill we may have once experienced it to be. For when we feel a sense of lack that is filled by another person, that sense will, more often than not, return when we realise that the other person is just as flawed a human being as we are.

Love is essential of course, but real, meaningful love and connection means accepting ourselves and the other as we truly are. Perhaps the key reason why so many relationships and marriages fail is that when confronted with this reality, we begin to look around for someone or something else that may fill the gaps that are beginning to reappear.

While this may ease our discomfort for a while, it is not a long term solution. This lies in setting aside expectation, roles and projections. Choosing growth over comfort and the status quo. In doing so, we have an opportunity to see the other (and therefore ourself) as they really are. And to recommit to love on that basis.

Perhaps the true power of relationship is not that it completes us, but that it reveals us. In the intimacy of loving another, we are invited to encounter the parts of ourselves that remain unclaimed or unconscious. Relationship becomes both mirror and teacher, reflecting our wounds, our longings, our fears and our capacity for love.

When we stop looking to another person to save us, fulfil us or make us whole, something profound becomes possible.

We begin to see relationship not as a destination, but as a path — a living practice of awareness, responsibility and compassion. Through the challenges as much as the joys, we are offered the opportunity to grow in consciousness, deepen our understanding of ourselves and cultivate a more authentic connection with another human being.

In this way, love is not simply something we find. It is something we learn to embody. And perhaps the greatest gift of relationship is that, when approached with courage and commitment, it can awaken us to a deeper experience of who we truly are.